these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
