I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
