GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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