So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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