And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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