i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
