so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
