i think i have two assholes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
