Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this beer tastes like vomit already
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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