Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
