im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
