who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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