Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
