I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
