worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
well you can't waste a boner
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
