I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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