She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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