you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
