I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
