Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
