Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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