I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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