I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
