Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
