I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
