We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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