Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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