So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
