I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
