In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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