I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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