O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
