She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
