Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
