He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
