New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize