Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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