Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
