Taylor Swift is so right about you.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
