My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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