I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
