some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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