booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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