he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize