Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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