I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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