I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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