Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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