You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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