How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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