on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And then he peed in my hair
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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