My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
