I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
