she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize