You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
