Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
