omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
