We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize