I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
