Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think my moral compass just broke
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