whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Success! We fucked roommates!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
