Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
