He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
