drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
