Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
