Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The Olympian is in my bed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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