Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize