I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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