I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
