There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize