My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize