Ambien. No doubt about it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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