Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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