I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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