I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize