Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
