you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
