I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
