Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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