I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
