I'm lost and stupid without you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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