Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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