hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
