It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
