How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
