Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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