Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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