I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
