if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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