woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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