What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
