I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
